Father's Day

Dear Dad,

I miss you, I wish I could show you what I have made of myself over these past couple of years. I'm going to college now, I worked hard enough in school to go to a University actually. I know you always told me that if I worked hard in school I could do better than you did, you and mom pushed me to that. I really wish you were here, I could use your advice on so many things now... I'm sorry, so very sorry for pushing you away. It's one thing I truly regret in my life, I should have talked to you more. I should have let you have been the great father you were trying to be. Instead of just focusing on all the good parts about you I just focused on all your flaws, I pulled away which probably lead to worsen your condition. Thinking about how I didn't even talk to you on the last day of your life... I'll just have to live with that. I've had a few girlfriends these past couple of years, I'm sure you would be excited to hear that, you were always trying to talk to me about it, I guess I was just a little too young when you did to have that conversation, I really wish you were here to talk about it with me now. There's a girl I like, and I think she likes me too, but I don't know what to do about it, I've just been letting things happen as they may, but it would be nice to have your input, I would have liked to known how you and mom got together, all she tells me is that she was introduced to you from her ex-boyfriend, I don't know much more than that, I'll ask her about it someday, I just would have liked to known your side of the story. Mom, actually, has a boyfriend now, you'd probably be really pissed off about that, but I want you to know that he will never replace you, he won't even come close. I went to see Mom this summer, I bought a car while I was in Cottonwood, I know you would be proud of me for that. I remember when you used to put me in your lap to drive your truck in Grandma's back yard, I miss those days. The family, is just so much more distant now, thanks to that woman, but I know you've herd enough about that. Are you having fun with Jacquelin? I really wish I could meet her, I always wanted a sister. I suppose our family is equally split up now, me and mom down here and you and her there. I bet you're really proud of her, I hope you're proud of me too. Although, I know you are, you would be even if I wasn't going to college, you would be no matter what I did. Remember that time when we spent all night at Walmart trying to buy that Wii on the release date? I like to think about that day. Dad, I promise to not make the same mistakes you did, I have never intentionally drank any alcohol, smoked any cigarettes, or done any drugs. A lot of people do that in college, a lot of my friends included, even the girl I like, but I know how that can ruin a family, like it did to ours, so I will continue to avoid that. The guy that mom's dating, he says he knew you, I don't know if it's true or not, but he does seem to know a lot of people in Cottonwood, and I know you were pretty social too, so maybe it's true. He's very religious, like the people in the church I go to, I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, I wish I could know what you thought about it. You'd probably just be focused on beating the hell out of him for kissing your wife, and I'd be on your side, for once.  Mom misses you too, she doesn't visit your grave as often anymore, but she still cares, she has her name right next to yours on that headstone, and I'll make sure that she's buried by you and not that other guy. She told me when I saw her, that sometimes she thinks that this is all just a joke, and that you'll eventually come home and say "Here I am" after being on a long trip away for work. That probably wont happen, I wouldn't mind if it did though, I'd just be happy to see you again. I know God exists, I'm absolutely sure of it, I just hope that you're in a place that I will someday be able to go, so I can talk with you like this, and tell you everything that has happened while you were gone. Anyway, I'm pretty hungry, I've just been sitting in bed all day thinking about you, I'm going to go now. I love you Dad. Oh, and one more thing, if I do end up with that girl, or any girl, I want to name my first born daughter Dawn, after you, I'm sure you'd like that. Happy Father's Day

Love your Son,
Cameron Michael Randles